


Always Yours

by sinsajo



Category: Ratchet & Clank
Genre: Death as a key theme, Drama, Fluff and Angst, M/M, mostly angst and hurt without the comfort cause theres no happy ending, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24247243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinsajo/pseuds/sinsajo
Summary: “I saw youdie,” Ratchet said, brows furrowing and a hand weakly reaching at the elder. “You’re not… you’re not real. You can’t be real-” he had to stop to bring his hand to his head, then to his heart, feeling so overwhelmed he didn’t know what ached the most.---Set after A Crack In Time, meant to fit before both the comic and Into The Nexus, timeline-wise.
Relationships: Alister Azimuth/Ratchet
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Always Yours

**Author's Note:**

> [Written to this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btHd1zrjkqY&)  
> You can listen along if you like, I encourage you to at least see the lyrics, they match this pairing perfectly (was tempted to add some into the fic itself...)  
> I basically wrote this because I needed angst! Nothing more. I love seeing Ratchet cry :)

As his green eyes fluttered open, a dull confusion began to invade Ratchet’s foggy mind. 

He sat up on the ground slowly, recognizing the room he was in, but not being able to remember how he had gotten there, or when. It made sense, in a way - he had already lost count of how many times he had held himself back from going back there, to the place he had met Alister. But perhaps, he hadn’t been able to resist it any longer, as he helplessly drowned in his haze of alcohol, guilt and self pity. And so he had somehow hazardously made the trip back to Torren IV while intoxicated, for no other purpose than to rejoice in the brief, cruel illusion that Alister was still with him, waiting for him in another room of his small home - or standing outside, watching the ancient city remnants from afar as the sun went down behind the buildings, his beautiful eyes shining a fiery red.

Ratchet chuckled humorlessly, his head shaking from side to side in complete disbelief. He felt like a predictable fool, having proven yet again that he simply didn't know how to let go of the past, didn't know how to get over the pain and the shame he was infested by. Part of him wondered if this was a fucked up way to keep Alister's memory alive within him, by repeating his same mistakes and allowing regret to eat him alive and rot his broken heart, as alone as he could manage.

Alister... Ratchet was even able to smell him in the air, the residual of his scent clinging to the empty home like a ghost that refuses to leave. And the warm, familiar scent was starting to make the boy's throat close in on itself, as the smell brought back memories and dragged out his repressed feelings to flourish on his skin. 

He wanted to scream. Nothing stopped him from doing so, he realized, and so he began to slowly push himself off the ground, ready to burn his throat raw and tear his lungs to shreds with accusations and apologies thrown into the empty room. But just as he stood on his own two feet, legs trembling as well as his bottom lip, his mind was wiped out blank at the sound of a gentle voice.

“Ratchet…” the voice said, ever so warm and so patient, and Ratchet’s eyes widened instantly, his heart coming to a halt inside his chest.

It took the boy a moment to recover control over his own body, and when he did so, he let out a shaky breath to then turn around slowly, desperately wishing to not have yet gone mad.

And when he met the other’s wise gaze, tears blurred the young man’s vision, making the apparition before him quiver and disappear momentarily. 

“No,” the youngest wiped his eyes roughly with his hands, not wanting to lose sight of him for even a second.

“Ratchet,” the older man spoke again, and this time the boy was able to watch him speak to him, his handsome face concerned as he stood not more than a few feet away, observing him.

“Alister,” he croaked, his hands balling into fists as he took in the sight of the other Lombax - Alive, composed, and with a certain serene air to his gaze that he didn’t think he had ever seen on the white Lombax.

“What’s wrong?” the man asked him, and for a second, it almost felt like it all had been a bad dream, and they were together again, preparing to save their race and the boy’s own best friend.

Ratchet laughed, forcing the water in his eyes to not roll down his face.

“I saw you _die_ ,” the younger Lombax said, brows furrowing and a hand weakly reaching towards the man. “You’re not… you’re not real. You can’t be real-” he had to stop to bring his hand to his head, then to his heart, feeling so overwhelmed he didn’t know what ached the most.

Soft footsteps were heard, and by the time Ratchet lifted his eyes to look at the man again, he was not more than a few inches away. He was so close he could sense his scent - stronger this time - and when Alister placed a hand on his cheek, he felt his warmth.

“Do I feel real?” Alister asked, a soft smile on his lips as he looked down at the younger man. Ratchet parted his lips to speak, but his words weren’t able to make it past the tight knot in his throat. A choked sound escaped his lips instead, just as his small hand lifted to rest on top of the larger one placed against his face. “Shh…” the man let out as his brows knitted with worry, seeing Ratchet’s ears flop and his shoulders tremble with the need to whimper. 

“Oh God, you're _alive_. I thought I had lost you forever,” Ratchet whispered, his body doubling over slightly as a sob ran through him. Then, he latched onto Alister, his slender arms wrapping around his wide chest, and his face pressing tight against the same armor he always saw him in. “I thought I would never see you again,” he said louder as he squeezed the man against him as tight as he could manage, feeling a gentle hand rest over the top of his head. “I thought I lost my chance to tell-” a loud sob of his own cut him off, and he felt Alister pat his head gently, allowing him to cry and let out everything he had to say. The younger man struggled to take a decent breath, his own sobs strangling his lungs and forcing him to pant for air as he hyperventilated. “I thought- I thought I'd never get to tell you how much-" he fought to speak, feeling Alister's gentle petting attempt to calm him down, "how much you _mean_ to me!"

Time seemed to stand still as Alister continued to pet him in silence, the boy's sobs rattling his body violently and the pain inside of his broken heart coming undone, overflowing, for the elder to drink in. And as he listened to the way the youngest breathlessly moaned in pain, prey of an intense hurricane of emotions he was in _no way_ prepared to cope with after grieving the elder for such a long time, the white Lombax held him in his strong, safe arms and wished he could do something to ease his suffering.

Slowly, Alister lowered his head to Ratchet’s, and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m here,” Alister let him know, lips brushing against the fur above his eyebrows. “I’ll always be here. Always,” he went on, feeling Ratchet’s sobs die down slowly, as he allowed himself to be kissed over and over atop his head, his face shifting upwards to search for those gentle lips. “Always at your side,” Alister said solemnly, eyes serious as he looked into the younger man’s irritated eyes and leaned in to kiss each of his eyelids softly. “Always yours,” he finished, his lips going to rest at the tip of Ratchet’s nose, before brushing down to press against the younger man's mouth for just a moment, before slowly leaning away. 

New tears fell from Ratchet’s sore eyes as they pinned on the older man, with him nothing but an inch away, breathing gently. 

“Kiss me again,” Ratchet whispered, a hand going to hold Alister’s face in it, his thumb stroking his cheekbone lovingly. “Please.”

Alister smiled lightly, and pressed his mouth to Ratchet’s again, this time lingering against him for a few moments more. The boy’s moist lips moved against his slowly, and when Alister opened his mouth to taste him, he was met with the salt of his tears melting on his tongue. When he pulled away to look at him, Ratchet was smiling.

“That’s much better,” Alister smiled back, his knuckles brushing against the younger man’s cheek. “Promise me you’ll try to smile more. I hate seeing you cry so much,” he tilted his head, just admiring the boy’s warm smile for the brief moment that it lasted.

“I promise,” Ratchet whispered, grinning for a moment. "But you gotta promise to not leave me again. That was really shitty of you."

The elder grew quiet as he looked down at Ratchet, watching his smile disappear first from his lips, then from his eyes.

"... Alister?"

"I'm sorry," the elder said simply, his eyes closing for a moment as he felt the pain of failing the one he loved, missing the way Ratchet frowned with confusion and fear.

"But you said-"

"We don’t have much more time,” Alister cut Ratchet off as he let go of him suddenly, stepping back and away from him before the boy managed to grab his arms and force him to stay in place.

“W-What do you mean?” Ratchet said hurriedly, brows knitting upwards as he took a few quick steps towards his beloved, a hand reaching out towards him. "Why can't you stay with me? I don't understand!"

“Take care of yourself, Ratchet,” Alister said as he gave him a sad smile, and the boy felt his stomach drop.

“No,” the younger man begged with wide eyes, taking two more steps forward as he reached out, noticing he wasn’t getting any closer to the other. He took another step, then another, and another, but Alister remained out of reach, unattainable; Completely unmoving as he watched the boy panic, a hurt and powerless look in his red gaze. “No, please,” Ratchet raised his voice, and watched as Alister finally gave him his back, his small home collapsing all around them into dust to become a black, bottomless void, through which the elder began to disappear into. “No!” Ratchet began to run, but he no longer could see the other Lombax. “Alister!" he yelled after him, chest heaving as he refused to stop running and lose him again. "Come back! _Please_ , Alister **_don't leave me_!**” he screamed loud enough to hurt his throat, and when he felt the burning pain of it, his eyes shot open and he found himself panting heavily on his own disheveled bed, back on Veldin.

Ratchet sat up instantly, his small body trembling, and his face wet with tears.

He heard a soft knock at the door, and he lifted his eyes to see Clank peeking into his room, his worried expression illuminated by the terse moonlight that filtered through the only window. The boy lifted a hand to his own throat to rub it as he watched the robot, coughing a bit at the insistent tingling still present in it.

“Ratchet?” the small robot called out to him, seeing the Lombax's confused, disturbed expression as he continued to rub his throat, and seeing the second it all clicked in Ratchet's mind - the Lombax covered his face with his hands then, and he let out a pained, drawn out whimper.

His small, robotic friend wasted no time, and he soon was atop his bed, his cold hand pressed against the Lombax’s back as he tried to give him comfort.

“... It felt so real,” Ratchet whispered against his palms, confusion still weighing down and clouding his fragile mind as he tried to separate dream from reality. He could feel his friend’s hand rub circles over his back, and he tried focusing on it, in an attempt to ground himself in the present.

“Clank,” the boy mumbled after a moment, slowly lifting his face from where it was buried against his hands. “I think I’m going insane,” he whispered, swallowing the thick knot in his throat.

His friend said nothing in return, not knowing if there even was something he could say at all that would help his suffering friend. So he let him cry, and cry until he was too tired to continue doing so, and he kept him company until he fell unconscious - worriedly watching over his dreams with the hope that this time, they wouldn’t turn into nightmares.


End file.
